#35 Daniel Goldstein

Nickname: Goldy, Lil Stein
Height: 5’7″
Weight: 140
Position: Combo
Years w/ESN: A 2016-2021
Major: Marketing & Business Information Systems
Hometown: Needham, MA
Former Teams:

  • Needham Ultimate, Needham, MA (2011-2015, Captain 2015).
  • BUDA U19 Open, Boston, MA (2015, Captain 2015, 2015 National Champions).
  • Deathsquad, Boston, MA (2016)
  • DiG, Boston, MA (2017)
  • Temper, Pittsburgh, PA (2018)

Dating Status: Cuffed.
E-mail: dag134 AT pitt.edu

Daniel, a sixteen-year-old mermaid princess, is dissatisfied with underwater life in the kingdom of Pittsburgh, and is curious about the human world. With her best friend Nick Kaczmarek, Daniel collects human artifacts in her grotto, and often goes to the surface of the ocean to visit Max Thompson, an econ major who offers very inaccurate knowledge of human culture. She ignores the warnings of her father King Myles, ruler of Pittsburgh, and Big Cat, a crab-cat hybrid who serves as Myles’ adviser and court composer, that contact between merpeople and humans is forbidden.

One night, Daniel, Nick Kaczmarek, and Max Thompson travel to the ocean surface to watch a celebration for the birthday of Prince Jimmer on a ship. Daniel instantly becomes enamored with Jimmer’s SICK winter hat. A violent storm arrives, with a bolt of lightning striking the ship, engulfing it in flames and eventually destroying it, tossing Jimmer overboard. She rescues Jimmer and brings him to shore. Daniel sings to Jimmer, but immediately leaves just as he regains consciousness to avoid being discovered. Fascinated by the memory of her voice, Jimmer vows to find who saved and sang to him, and Daniel vows to find a way to join him and his world. When Myles discovers Daniel’s love for Jimmer’s SICK winter hat, Myles confronts her in the grotto and destroys most of the artifacts with his awesome layout capabilities. After Myles leaves, two sneaky eels named Leo and Jonah convince Daniel to visit Michael, a sea witch.

Michael tricks Daniel into making a deal to transform her into a human for three days in exchange for Daniel’s voice, which Michael puts in a nautilus shell. Within these three days, Daniel must receive the “kiss of true love” from Jimmer. If Daniel gets Jimmer to kiss her, she will remain a human permanently.

Eventually, Daniel became a human forever and got his beautiful voice back but realized Jimmer’s SICK hat was not the one for him. Instead, Dan found solace in his athletics, participating in wrestling until he decided to rebel against his parent’s approval and play Ultimate Frisbee instead. Now, he dominates the Frisbee field with his huge and tall defensive presence, and spends his free time helping under-privileged kids get through high school or watching his favorite movie, The Little Mermaid, which is based on true events of his life. He’s really cool, you should get to know him.

I know there is a disclaimer above, but just to reiterate- this is BASED on true events, and some parts are fictitious for the purpose of the story (such as the pronoun “her” in the first few paragraphs, Daniel is a male).

DISCLAIMER: Some parts have been fictionalized in varying degrees.

Dan “Goldy” Goldstein thinks he’s from the beautiful city of Boston. Really though, he’s from Needham, which is a suburb of Boston, but don’t tell him that. Growing up, Dan desperately wanted to be a professional wrestler. His idol was Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, and because of that he loved all things rock-related. He has a pet rock named “Geodude”, his favorite comedian is Chris Rock, and he suffers from papyrophobia – the fear of paper. Anyways, Dan was a phenomenal wrestler and was the captain of his high school wrestling team. But, at the MA state wrestling championship, his opponent broke the news to him that the WWE was fake. Devastated, Dan would go on to lose the match. A broken man, Dan did the only obvious thing a struggling wrestler would do:

He travelled 565 miles to play Ultimate Frisbee (proof: https://goo.gl/maps/cv5XY2FR4MJ2).

On a serious note, Dan is a great person, a hilarious teammate, and a genuine friend. Dan studies business and aspires to incorporate his future business degree to work with dogs. His spirit animal is a husky, and he’s as loving and loyal as man’s best friend. But, he also barks just as loud as man’s best friend too. He’s young, scrappy, and always hungry, and lives his life by his motto, “It’s not the size of the dog in the fight, it’s the size of the fight in the dog”.

Moreover, if you have the opportunity to hear Dan play the guitar, consider yourself blessed. He once serenaded me with “I Wish I Was” by the Avett Brothers. After crying like a little baby, I went to the nearest 7-Eleven, bought a Powerball ticket, and won a hundred million. Thanks Dan!

Ok, on an actual serious note, don’t sleep on this kid because he’s really good at Ultimate. And, he’s an even better teammate. His Frisbee fun fact is that he’s neighbors with Tyler Chan. If you don’t know who Tyler Chan is, Dan will let you know that Tyler played on Tufts and currently plays for Ironside. Also, Dan is already a national champion. He was a captain of the BUDA U-19 YCC team that won gold in 2015. So, I think we all know why he came 565 miles to play Ultim-er, to study business at the University of Pittsburgh. Did I mention that Dan is neighbors with Tyler Chan yet?

All in all, very rarely do you meet people that are as talented, funny, and kind as Dan Goldstein. Sorry ladies, he’s cuffed though.